1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
