I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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