Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
