dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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