You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
