What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
