I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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