I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
