i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
