happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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