No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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