Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
