a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
