so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
