I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
