i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
