Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
