He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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