just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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