My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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