where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Screwed.edu
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
