Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I want to make a zoo with you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
