I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
