i already hear my dad disowning me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
