Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
