Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
