just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
