Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
