whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
