I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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