As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
