as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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