I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wear drunk well.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
