Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
