So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
