Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
