What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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