i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
