we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
