i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
