so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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