I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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