Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
