I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
