those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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