Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
