someone get that fucking seahorse.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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