so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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