i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
