If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
