And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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